Love, Support and Encouragement

I had a fun, Five on Friday post all ready to write up and then something happened....

I ran into a friend, no that isn't right...an acquaintance, hmmm not that either.... A friend of a friend of a friend, someone I know knows someone she vaguely knows, so to speak. We both have children around the same age and ended up chatting for a while. Things were going great and it was nice to talk about some of the trials of having crazy kids with someone else currently in the trenches. We talked about potty training, cutting teeth, and picky eaters.

Things were good. And then something changed. I don't know what triggered it, but we were talking about birth (I mentioned I had a friend who had just given birth that morning and I was itching to visit the sweet babe). She talked about her birth and I shared about mine. And then the face came. Like she smelled something vile. I quickly checked Hudsons bottom, thinking the silent but deadly had struck again but nada. I sniffed the air. Maybe the stink hadn't hit me yet. But nothing... So I did what I usually regret, I said something...

"What was that face for?"

She paused and then looked me right in the eye and said "I can't believe you didn't use a OB, you could have died. Midwives aren't trained well enough to know what to do in emergencies "

Say what?!?!?!?!

You have got to be kidding me! I laughed and proceeded to explain that we actually gave birth with our awesome, wonderful, fully trained and incredibly loving and smart midwife at the hospital and that she attended both boys births. I sung her praises and how comfortable we were with her and that we didn't feel any pressure in our choices; whether they were on trend with her beliefs or not. The look on her face didn't budge. Tha' stank stunk as far as she could smell.

"But what if something had happened? Could she have saved you, I doubt it? They are called Doctors for a reason and they have been delivering babies forever...."

At this point, I shut it off. There was no convincing her that midwives have been around just as long and longer, that the choices we made are just as great as the choices she's made for her kids... She yapped (because at this point we were no longer chatting, I was focusing more on not letting my jaw hit the floor at her 'facts') for about 30 more minutes negating nearly every.parenting.choice.I.have.ever.made!... How attachment parenting is ruining children, how breastfeeding isn't all that great, how crying it out is thee only way to sleep train, about how stay at home moms have nothing to complain about....on and on and on and on...

And I started to feel really insecure. Like maybe she was right and I was on the outside. And I felt more beat down about my kids, my choices, my complaining about staying at home [because somedays thats all I have. Me & Complaining=BFFs!]. All of it. I immediately felt awful.

We said our goodbyes and headed off for the rest of our errands. I had a good 20 minute drive home thinking about what that b...that gal, said. And I got mad. And sad. And all the other feels.

But mostly, I was upset that this is a raging trend among moms. Sticking our judgmental noses where they do not belong. I'm guilty of it, I did it earlier while talking to her thinking "you cry it out WTfffffff". But it isn't my place, if it works for them, then great! I know it happens and I don't think it is always bad or meant to be malicious. I know it can come from the heart and the best place, I know that there are people who say do this because it is better for the baby, blah blah blah. I know it happens.

But I wish it didn't. Because it hurts. No matter where it comes from. It hurts when people say you're doing it wrong. It hurts and it sucks and I don't like it. I don't like when others do it, and I really hate when I do it! I always regret it. I regret not saying hey they are trying or it isn't our business. Unless the child is being purposefully hurt, I don't know that it is our place.

Our place, as a community of mothers, should be to love, support, and encourage other mothers. Lift them up when they feel down or filled with self doubt. That should be what we do. Support others choices, even when they are opposite of our own. So many times I have felt like a failure as a mother because I haven't co-slept long enough, exclusively breastfed, or made every ounce of food my kids eat from scratch. I put my kids in time outs and time ins. I haven't taken care of myself the way I should. I limit their screen time, but I allow screen time in the first place. I give in to my three year olds picky pallet and our one year old snacks on organic pouches most of the time. I am not consistent and I complain a lot. I feel alone and trapped and all the bad things, way more than the good things. And I feel guilty that those things are all true because we should be able to do it all without complaint or breaking a sweat! I wish that were true and while I know there are people out there who can do so, or claim they can, I can't. So label me an outcast and toss judgment my way for saying so.

I am so in love with being a mother. I am in love with the process, the births, the little gifts each day bring with my boys. I would hate for a woman to hear mom-bashing and decide it is easier to not be a part of our community because of it. I would wish that she understood there are groups of people out there, your people, who will love and support and encourage your decisions. They will laugh with you when you say you think you might start locking your kids in their room when they nap. They will be there with you when you can't breastfeed anymore because your body isn't doing what it should. They will go on hikes, or play at parks, or make fun crafts with you and your kids. They will love your kids and you will love theirs. They will always answer your call when you need to bitch. They will have long conversations about having kids, giving birth, the sucky aftermath, alllllllll of it. In detail. Because they are your people. Some of them will have kids of their own so they really get it, others aren't yet parents so they try. But they will be there. And WE should be there. All of us. Because we've been there before. Hiding in the bathroom, crying into a chocolate bar, trying not to breathe because they'll find youuuuu...

It took me a while to write this, over the course of a couple hours. I had to make dinner. Get the baby up, change him, make snacks for both boys, let one of the four dogs living at our house right now [dog sitting happens...], try to diffuse 29 brother fights and try to clean up the same three rooms for the 400th time today. Motherhood is hard, Parenting is hard. It isn't for everyone, but if it is for you let me tell you today:

You're doing a good job.

Your kids love you and appreciate the work you do.

You can get through this.

You are loved.

I support you and your choices.

You can do it.

You will do it.

You are doing it!

Food.

So, why in the WORLD did it take me so long to learn to cook?

There was a time, way back in the day, when I made 4 meals. Easy, simple things but don't ask for much more. And they were really just different versions of each other: Tacos, Pizza, Lasagna, and spaghetti. That was it. Sure, I could fancy up my tacos by making them into...waitforit...Nachos! Nacho night is a wild night...

But it was a sad time. Sad, sad. Thankfully my husband is an excellent cook. There are still certain things I don't make because he makes them way bettttter.

So, once we decided that I would stay home, I realized maybe I should figure out the whole kitchen thing. So I got to work figuring out how to expand my vast culinary skill set. Josh isn't vocal about what he likes and he is incredibly hard to read, but so far I've gotten 3 recipes that he says are 'good', which in josh talk is like 'YES THIS IS AWESOME!' Anywhooo..

Enter the Crock Pot..

I think this is chili. Yes, it has to be chili...

I never knew how easy slow cooking was. I mean yeah everyone was like 'just throw it in there and leave it alone for like 6 hours' But I was cautious and skeptical. Well stupid me! Because the slow cooker is where its at. 

One of our favorite meals is Salsa Chicken in the crock pot. And the best part is it is super easy!

This one has some added ingredients, I usually make it with chicken and salsa. Red or green tastes equally delish. You can add onion, peppers, taco or fajita seasoning, and chicken broth. But 90% of the time it is salsa and chicken, on low 6 hours and it smells like happy taco land while it cooks. We serve it with tortillas or just crushed tortilla chips in a bowl like a soup. We have served it over quesadillas with black beans and caramelized onions too, like this!

I've learned to make roast and pepper steak in the crock pot too. And I've stepped up my taco game with oven tacos, which are probably the best version of tacos anywhere EVER. It keeps the shell from breaking all over. Super good. Super, duper good.

Obviously, we still love the staples we started on (see above) and pizza will never not be in the rotation.  Josh and I are in two firm opposite camps when it comes to crust: I live in a world of thick, buttery deep dish; while he resides over there in [flimsy crap, i mean whaaa] thin crust land. I usually lose this battle, mostly because hey pizza is pizza so yum!, and because thin crust has to be better for you a little bit when you realize you fold butter into you crust when making deep dish.. But who cares sometimes, right?!?! Well I won the other day and 

BAM! Deep dish, chicago style, buttery, flakey goodness! and a complimentary cheese bread for the boys! It was awesome. Like the best. I followed this recipe for the dough and just topped it with cheese and pepperoni that was on hand and I added a little garlic salt to the bottom of my pan before putting the dough in. It was good. Like really good. As in I might be phoning it in tonight for pizza night!

As I am sure most people know, it is winter out still, and this week another cold snap hit us [like -digits and crazy winds] so last night I made Katrina's potato soup! It is a soup that eats like a meal. We topped ours with cheese, croutons, and bacon! Holy crap so yum! It is a hearty soup that is so easy and delicious. I could eat it every day, but I shouldn't because its so filling!

I really learned to love cooking, the chopping, the sauteing, all of it. I have a few more recipes I've jotted down to try. I love that it helps me feel like I am contributing to my family! It is really cathartic for me seeing everything come together and when it tastes good too, I feel like a little proud peacock strutting around like I've missed my calling because I can follow directions. Watch out top chef, here I come..

Somedays it is just crapity crap crap

I've come to the conclusion that when you think you are finally getting the hang of life, something comes along and shits on your parade. I'd say rains on your parade, but lately life is all about the S-word.

Like the number of diapers filled with it that I have changed since waking up at 4 am this morning: 8 [wtheeeckkkk kid???? seriously...&thatbetterbeatootismell!]

Or the number of piles of it I cleaned off our deck from our sweet little niece puppy: at least 12

Or the cat box,
or the bottoms wiped,
and the less literal ones like the fact that i need my checks that I ordered 2 weeks ago and where are they??! or the what do I get the husband who is impossible to buy for????
Or when is the snow going to stop?
and can I take a damn vacation or not???!!??

or maybe this is what motherhood is all about..

the different types of crap you learn to deal with once you have kids. Like a jester keeping all the balls juggled in the air [im that tired, i had zero other metaphors], as a mom you learn to change one baby while the other one tries to use a curtain as a parachute. And keep the cat from running outside while untangling the dog for the fortieth time today.And making three different dinners for your picky-eater, your great eater, and your husband who gets home later than dinner time. Or forgetting how to sleep in. Or washing the same laundry/dishes/baby for the eightieth time because who knows how you got distracted but certainly it was warranted.

I constantly wish I was better at this whole thing. That I tried harder, that I took more time, that I put in more time. Most days I feel like a big failure because my three year old can't read or speak spanish fluently and our one year old was raised on formula because breastfeeding doesn't work for me no matter how many people try to make it so. I struggle with staying positive and happy alllllllll the live long day, just so when Josh gets home the first thing he hears is how awful my [ridiculously good and blessed] life is. Even on the days that its sunshine and rainbows, there's still a hearty helping of sheeeeeeettt somewhere scattered through the day. Even if it is trivial, it is still crap to me; my crap nonetheless.

But even with all this crap, the BS, the poopy diapers and the never ending list of things I didn't get done today, I still feel that my greatest calling in life is my children. 

here

Over the weekend we caught a story NBC was running during the olympics about Jessica Long and her journey back to Russia to meet the parents who gave her up for adoption when they were teens. They went on to get married and have other children meaning Jessica had a second full blood family. I can not imagine the pain her birth parents went through, giving her up and hoping for a better life for her, yet always wondering how she was. And then discovering she was an amazing athlete and getting a second chance! During the story, Jessica went back to the orphanage where she had been raised until getting adopted. Annnnnddd my heart was crushed. I cried like a hormonal mother, wishing we could offer each of those sweet babies our home. It has been weighing on my heart ever since and while adoption would never be out of the question for us, our family isn't in a situation to expand right now. But those babies, they have my heart. Every child that needs, has my heart...

So maybe motherhood isn't about all this crap that I see everyday. 

Maybe its about adjusting your filters, so even though all day its crap, it still is appealing.

It's about admitting that I have no clue what I am doing, that I am not the best mother, that I am trying but I give up somedays,

It is that even with all these things, all this sh*t, I am still more than willing to do it.

 All day. Every day..

Five on Friday

linking up to a new link up over here

I am itching for a vacation these days. Most likely because we have been trapped in our house since...November? With a littlest baby, its been too cold, too snowy, too much to get out like we normally would. The other part of it is my sister and my not-really-a-sister-sister (both named Katie) are leaving next week. For a cruise. In the Caribbean. WHERE ITS WARM! UGHHHHHHHH. Those jerks. So, my 5 on Friday is a tribute to vacations.

5 Road Trip Vacations I want to take right now!!

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Montreal, Quebec

Montreal was our first pick for our honeymoon 5 years ago. Unfortunately, we hit a couple bumps in our road and had to go else where. But I still dream of a long, romantic weekend, strolling the streets of this mini-European escape just across the border in Canada.

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Boston, Massachusetts 

I love all things New England and Boston has topped my road trippin' dreams for years now. I have grand wishes of walking the historic streets, sipping a coffee from Dunkin (even though I don't like coffee) enjoying the fall colors and the crisp autumn air.

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Chicago, Illinois

Chicago is one of my all time favorite cities. We live a quick 4.5 hours from here, so a long weekend trip is totally do-able! I love the Art Institute, Navy Pier, the food, the museums, ALL THE THINGS! I love Chicago!

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Montana

Anywhere in Montana, but most likely Big Sky area for Josh. Yes its a long drive for us, but Josh lived our west and it still pulls at his heartstrings. It is a beautiful state full of natural wonders and I can't wait to take the boys out there to take it all in. 

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The Upper Peninsula, Michigan
*I had a whole collage of photos, but blogger ate them and I can't fix it.*

The U.P. is gorgeous, it's like a little gem not many people know about. There are such amazing places up there, full of hiking and waterfalls. Nature at its finest. I love Munising and pictured rocks area. We have already planned at least two trips over the bridge this year!

5 on Friday

Lucky us

What you may not be able to tell from these pictures is that this is Lake Michigan. Underneath us. And we are about a quarter mile off shore... Which is terrifying and incredible all at once. Lake Michigan blessed us with some truly incredible natural wonders this year, so popular they made NBC nightly news and HuffPost. So, we had to venture out to see them. They don't happen ever year, so who knows when we can do this again! We skipped the big ones because of the long line of cars and the hike being almost 2 miles in. With two little kids, we went for something a bit more direct. 

It was pretty slippery up there.

View from above, no open water in site! 

Huddy hitched a ride. 

Stopping for a sip of water on the [frozen] water.

Sweet Nika girl, our niece dog

 After some impressive, but relatively small formations at Christmas Cove, we headed to the very top of the peninsula and the lighthouse. I wish we would have went here first, the formations were much bigger and way cooler. Unfortunately it was getting on in the day and Hudson was d-o-n-e. He was shaking in his down suit and not happy. We played pass the baby on the walk back and luckily our little gang has lots of hands, because we needed them!

You can't tell, but this was about 15 ft high

starting to grump

His own private ice cave!

It was really amazing and I hope we get time to get back out there, maybe even check out the BIG ones. I hope Easton remembers this adventure, these are the days we live for, making memories with people we love!

Birthday party!

February is a busy birthday month for us. Both boys are February babies and our roomie/sister from another mister is also a February b-day. Easton turned 3 on the 3rd. We woke up, enjoyed a delicious birthday donut from aunt Kiki and let him watch movies, eat snacks and play all the games! We went to  swim lessons and plays a bit extra in the water park and got an extra treat from the sweets shop at Great wolf. So he enjoyed his golden birthday pllennntty.

I started planning their birthday party after Christmas. I decided that since the boys birthdays are only two weeks apart, that we should combine their party into one, rather than try to convince people to come out to two parties 15 days apart. I asked Easton what kind of party he would like and his input was 'a birthday party!' Well OK! A nice low bar set for mama, that kid gets it.

After pintresting up a storm, searching my favorite blogs for ideas, and repeatedly suggesting things to Easton (&whoever would listen) we finally settled on a theme: Pirates in honor of Easton's beloved Jake and the Never Land Pirates.

T.G.F.P [thank god for pintrest], amiright?!? I spent a lot of time pinning all the things piratey, thinking up decor ideas and trying to figure out how to pull it off on a small budget. Normally when I throw a party the first thing I do is make a list of TO DO, that becomes the main list and then there are usually around 5 additional lists: guests, decor, menu, games, and shopping. This just helps me keep everything in working order while not losing track of a 3 year old and nearly 1 year old and a puppy.

The menu came together really quickly and each dish was given a new pirate name. I took a piece of white drawing paper and stained it with coffee to give it that special treasure map look. Then i gathered my supplies: a lighter for burning the edges, a bowl for scraping the ashes in, glue and cardstock to help them stand up.

Each pirate dish was given a special name: Treasure Map Pizza & breadsticks, Planks & cheese [crackers and cheese], Fish & Chips [goldfish crackers and chips in bowl], Octopus dip [veggies and dip, but the dip was in a bell pepper with legs to look like an octopus], Rusty Cannonballs [bbq meatballs], Gold Doubloons [Nilla Wafers], Seaweed Salad [pasta salad], Pirates Jewels [fruit salad], and Eels in a Blanket [pigs in a blanket].  It was A LOT of food, I tend to over do it but there were almost 40 people there and we had enough food, little leftover!

I could not find a bunting or pirate banners anywhere, so a little construction paper and a couple of nap times and :

Finally, on Saturday we were ready for the party. I packed up everything and headed to my sisters house where we had the party. They have a great house that has nice big rooms, a sledding hill and can handle 12 kids on the GO!

And thats where the pictures end, at this point people started showing up and I got lost in the mix. We went sledding, opened presents and had a great time! And I went cheap on the cake and got [delicious] Sam's Club cupcakes. Which if you never have: GET SOME! they are so good. Luckily, we did capture a few cake shots:

It was a great birthday! We are looking forward to enjoying Hudson's real birthday on the 18th and not having to plan anything until....this weekend for roomie Katie!