crap.

Originally, I planned this blog to be fun and light hearted, but not every day is fun and light hearted. I have been really lucky so far and had so  much good to post about. But its not always good. Its sometimes crap. Crap because babe wont sleep, crap because I am exhausted and need help, crap because sitting at home gets incredibly lonely somedays, crap because the cat is a buttface. Crap because crap happens.

So, sometimes its about the crap that happens. :)

Things have changed lately. E has went from darling little man, who love sleeping and snuggles, to crazy cry machine, who doesn't want to sleep, can't be soothed by snuggles and has discovered his set of lungs. His sleep pattern has completely changed. He no longer sleeps for hours at night, he now sleeps for 20-40 minutes stretches, fussing nearly the whole time. I've tried keeping him up during the day, different pacifiers,  nursing him, nursing him using different holds, swaddling, sleep sack, holding him, laying him down, sitting him up....nothin'. Nada. Not gonna happen. He just isn't having it. So, we just hang out at night. I try keeping him as quiet and calm as possible. Catching sleep when we can, snuggling as much a possible. The worst part is, when I set him down in his bassinet for sleep during the day and he has NO PROBLEM. Sleeps like a champ. That little booger...

So I have fallen behind on my blogging. Because I am tired. That kind of tired that you totally forget how to use the toaster and so your waffles are burnt on one side and not cooked on the other. So tired that Campy cat knocked a glass of water over on y and I just sat there. Cold and wet. Tired. Everyone tells you when you are pregnant to sleep lots because once baby is here, sleep is gone. But I've found, its not so much no sleep, its the exhaustion. Josh has been a great help, but there are a lot of times that I have to cover both day and night shifts. And it is hard. Harder than I imagined. Its all the little things that add up. Little to no sleep, changing diapers that you just fastened, trying to keep up with the house, the dogs barking, the cat knocking stuff down, trying to maintain a bit of sanity on the days that it is slipping. They pile up. You forget things. You give up on washing your hair. You can't remember which side you nursed on and now E is starving! You can't remember if you changed him or if he peed on his onesie or if it is just spit up..Oh no! Horrible mom. No, not horrible mom. Every mom. That is just it, that is life these days. Before I had E, I was a non-sypathizer for stay at home moms, not that I didn't think it was hard. I just didn't think it was that hard. Obviously I was wrong. Captain wrong. Wrong like socks with sandals wrong. Because it is so much more than just hanging out with babe, cleaning a bit and shopping for groceries. For me, it is a lot of time spent talking myself down. So, I don't clean my house today..So I didn't brush my teeth today or wash clothes. Dinner on the table? Hmm maybe, but probably not, because I haven't gotten groceries...Its ok, I've got more important things to do....

Like hang out with these guys...who I love  :)




















Or practice my braiding skills. Which are pretty damn good....I mean really, check that out! xo