Holy cow. It has been a crazy few days. This last weekend was spent celebrating birthdays on both Saturday and Sunday. It was s great time with family and friends. Monday marked my return to work. I was really surprised by how overwhelmed I felt. Not in that I can't do this sort of way, but in a this is so different kind of way. My life has been so drastically different these last six weeks. It was strange getting back out and talking to adults all day. But it. was. awesome! I love being back! :)

E has continued to grow and change and amaze us every day. We have to be extra careful when laying him down on his belly because he can roll on over to his back. At first we wrote it off as a fluke, but he continued doing it when he was enjoying tummy time. He does it more and more often. Josh was at home with E on Monday, which made going back to work a lot easier.

It is amazing how much having a baby changes your dynamic, both individually and as a couple. Everyone always tells you it takes a toll and that it is really hard, but until you are there you just don't get it. Your life changes so much in an instant. Now life revolves around this tiny person, who relies completely on the two of you for everything. And it is hard. Its hard to figure out who does what, who gets up when, who changes/bathes/feeds/snuggles/etc, who? Who? Who? Meanwhile, here's your lil guy, just needing something. You get frustrated. With yourself and each other. You snap, you yell, you cry. It is hard. In those first few minutes of E's life, feeling an instant disconnect from Josh. Not on his part, but mine. All of a sudden, I blocked us and focused fully on E. I started to let our relationship slip and put him and us on a back burner. I figured E needed me more than Josh at the time, so he should understand. E was a tiny brand new baby, he couldn't do anything. I didn't know how to be both mother and wife, all of a sudden I didn't know how to be anything. I closed myself off and focused every bit of my energy into caring for little buckaroo. We stopped communicating and before I knew it I was burnt out. Feeding, changing, crying, everything, I had nothing left. I felt alone and angry, we both did. I could tell Josh was just as lost and frustrated as I was. The first few weeks were really beating us up and we weren't talking about it. And then we did...just a nice calm conversation about it....ha! Sure thats what it was...After our conversation, we instantly felt better. I realized, more than anything, I was angry at myself. For pulling away, for being closed off, for letting my frustration damage a solid relationship. For being far to stubborn, at a time when help is plentiful. For forgetting the one of the main reasons E was here- My husband. 

Also, look who is really cute:

getting so big

Slump-o.