Parenting Q & A..

Answered in all sincerity and with expertise of this champion mama...Obviously this is all super serious and real advice you could take-to-heart...

1. At what age will my child sleep through the night?
Never, as far as I can tell. At 2 and three quarters, Easton still enjoys nightly wake ups. He often needs a sip of water, a blankie tuck, removal of a scary shadow casting jelly fish, a request for 'do you want to lay with me and snuggle?'...  Almost 8 month old Hudson WILLNOTSLEEPALLNIGHT. He is far more dramatic and needy than any baby should be, I mean reeeealllllyyy child you are working on over half a yearrrrrr olllldddd...GOOD LAWWDD. Sleep sons, sleep.  But back to the question, never. Ever, ever getting back to sleeping..

2. When should my baby start eating solids?
ASAP. Get those boobies back ladies. Breast might be best, but man is it A.N.N.O.Y.I.N.G... Feed me Feed me Burp Throw up Burp Feed Feed Feed Burp Sleep 8 seconds Feed Feed Feed...STILL HUNGRY@$#!!@#@#$%^&&&^^&^#@! Just make them a sandwich and call it good, bonus points if you go healthy like and put it on a wrap!

2b. Follow up: How do we get our child to eat healthy options?
You know how they say eat a rainbow? Try sprinkles. That will make everything rainbow=Healthy...

3. When should I start potty training?
My professional opinion is that children should know how to use the bathroom by themselves before they start dating, because that's when you get to it... But it is all based on personal preference..

4. What are some questions/rules we should ask/set a potential nanny or babysitter?
a. are you available 24/7/365
b.are you willing to devote your entire life to my children IE. have no social life so that I may have a social life..
c. stay outta my booze...
d. Seriously..

5.  What is the best way to sleep train?
There is none. No such thing, nothing is best. No Sleep til Empty Nest...

6. I'm worried about grandparents spoiling my children, how do we approach this topic without hurting feelings?
Don't stop them from spoiling, in fact start adding things you'd like to their Christmas lists [like Vacation to Hawaii-Hudson needs this, he is super stressed.. or one of those fancy face wash scrubby rotating brush things that make your skin look better after being ravaged by hormones for 2+years of pregnancy/post pregnancy..I MEAN Easton needs to freshen up his cheeks..] Plus as a bonus your child will learn how easy life is and how simple it is to get the things you desire most in life without hard work..They will never be let down.

7. I really don't know what I am doing, any advice or tips?
a. When in doubt, dance it out.
b. Beer before liquor never been sicker, liquor before beer you're in the clear.
c. Always wear mascara. ALWAYS.
d. Never drink alone, unless you have 2 under 2 and they are the Kanye and Jay-z of CRAY-Z...


Obviously, I really get it and know what I am doing when it comes to child rearing. So if you happen to be a publisher who has happened upon my blog by a SUPER stroke of L to the UCK, then feel free to contact me about book deals. I am pretty sure we'd make bank on Lily's Super Savvy Parenting tips and Nightcap Recipes...

a rare moment of behaved.