Tips for sleeping, from a Pro.

Hudson in now less than a week away from being 6 months old, so I thought I would share some great tips for sleeping when you have a 6 month old. Basically, a night in the life..

1. Feed baby loads of formula before bed, this will guarantee a full belly and multiple wet diapers that need changed during the night. Some babies can manage to sleep with a wet diaper, but not your bundle of fuss. Change 87 diapers at night-CHECK!
2. During this whole process, remember to check the clock, every chance you get. This will help you gage the amount of no-sleep you got as well as providing points of reference when husband says "long day, I am so tired!", because really, you're tired?!?! with all your sleep and not hearing the baby?!?!? 
3. At 6 months old, still allow baby to sleep in the crib in parents bedroom. This will allow for easy access to the fusspot as well as no sleep training or sleep filled nights. These are things NOT to concern yourself with. Sleep is for the weak.
4. Place a large (100 pound), old (working on 13), grumpy (Chesapeake bay retriever, great dogs also stubborn and grumpy at this age) dog (see:Titus) between your side of the bed and crib. Avoid stepping on dog and waking him also. If you do step on him, try to hit the ear its very sensitive and he will WELP! and wake up baby and other dog. Big dog will need to reposition himself on his bed now, flapping his ears and fluffing his bed. This will help baby sleep..
5. When babe wakes at 2, a mere 3 hours after being laid down for the night, change baby [see#1] and lovingly shove place a pacifier in his mouth while cooing "this is ALLLLLL you want right???". Sneak back to bed.
6. Do not cover yourself back up, a) the rustling of the blanket will alert baby you aren't sleeping. b)the cool air will keep you awake for the ensuing battle of wills. c)you are literally getting back up right now.
7. Baby has rejected notion that a paci will do, try a blanket fluff and another paci. Maybe he wants the green one???? sneak back to bed..
8. Baby will continue to fuss. Ignore baby, he's old enough to learn that life is tough, he needs to figure his sh*t out...
9. Immediately regret trying to ignore baby, check diaper, plant 34 kisses and coo at him. 
10. Is he hungry? Make a bottle and try to feed fuss baby. Through clenched teeth, whisper "go to sleep sweet boy, GOTOSLEEEEPPPP" 
11. Baby would like to feed himself. Make this possible. sneak back to bed.
12. PAY CLOSE ATTENTION: do not breathe, this will alert baby that you are not only awake, but alive to which he will interpret as "willing to serve, please beckon Master Hudson." Also, do not rustle blanket, step on dog, think about sleep, loathe husband who is somehow sleeping thru all of this..
13. WHYAREYOUUPTITUS???DONOTFLAPYOUREARS. WELL,EFFFFFHEFLAPPEDHISEARS. whisper yell at dog to go back to bed!! UGHHH he woke the baby...whisper yell at husband "you cant get up!??!" to which he replies "huh??" lost cause, just get up lady.
14. re fluff baby blanket, check bottle, pacifier, turn on mobile and sneak back to bed. Lay awake, uncovered, for the following 45 minutes just to be sure he did fall back asleep.
15. Finally, realize baby has entered dream land. Roll over as QUIETLY as possible, mime a blanket over you [don't bother using an actual blanket, it will be too loud. You aren't that cold anyways, mind over matter!!] and go to sleep.
16. Wake up 2.5 hours later and repeat until morning...

As you can tell, I have more than figured it out. I know exactly what I am doing. This method is certified by ALL THE DOCTORS!!! as well as mothers everywhere...

Luckily, Lord Hudson is rather cute. So, get away with it he shall..

That's it, next time into the jumparoo he goes!

please note, that while joked about my husband does get up with baby occasionally. He is better than I portray him and is usually more patient than I at night..