Soooo..

I've been really, really bad at this lately. We have been busy with little man and the gorgeous spring weather! But anyways...

Guess who is 2 months old today!!

Captain Cutiepants McCutieton. Thats who.

E loves smiling, baths and showers (his new favorite), cuddling and watching basketball. He also likes ceiling fans , the dogs, his papa, and EATING! He can roll over, hold his head up like a champ, push up a bit from his tummy, smile big and small and ALMOST laugh. Its so close, you can tall he is trying to make a happy sound while smiling and a little HA! slips out sometimes, but its not quite there yet! He sleeps well, he eats great, and loves everyone. He is still sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed and definitely has gotten use to his night time routine- bath, lotion, snuggle, eat, snuggle, nurse to sleep. He really is pretty darn cool. Today E and Josh went on his first hike in the woods with the dogs, he finally fits properly into a carrier! E is really good at making serious faces and often looks lost in thought. I can't believe that it has been two months since his arrival. Holy crap baby-pants! 

Look what E can do!

Make your own animation

He started doing this at 5 weeks and now our tummy time consists of setting him on his tummy, him pushing up and rolling over, us clapping and starting from the beginning. He just kinda falls over and uses his noggins momentum to get him the rest of the way :)

We are pretty proud though. :)

pseudo plateau

So. I have plateaued. Sort of. E has been here for 6 weeks now and I have lost right around 20 of the 27-30ish pounds I gained being pregnant (plus it didn't really help that I was ten pounds heavier [thanks marriage! you jerk..] than usual when we got pregnant). But I lost those in the first four weeks or so and haven't lost more than 5 or so pounds since then. So I've felt a little stuck..BUT I also know that it's because I haven't been doing anything.. It took all of my six weeks off..and then some..to heal up and not feel like I was going to pass out every time I ran errands. But now I am feeling more like my old self and I have been craving outdoor activities. Once we can figure out how to get E into the moby wrap successfully (and comfortably, for him. Right now he just sorta slumps over), we can start going for long hikes. I am really looking forward to getting outside..maybe even getting on the bike again. I just hope that I start to see some change in numbers, if only for my own sanity. I have set small goals through out the next few months, goals that are easy enough to achieve, but by the end of the summer will really add up. We have a wedding to attend in May and my first goal is to be back down those additional 10ish pounds by then. By then end of the summer I'd like to be down another 5 pounds to what I was when we got married. I want to get back to walking/running the trail by our house with the dogs most nights this summer. I also want to get back on our sunday afternoon bike ride, it usually was around 10 miles and a nice way to fill a Sunday afternoon. My BIG goal this year comes up in October. They put on a zombie run around halloween and it is a 5k (3.1miles) and I really want to do it.


But for now its 10 or so by the end of May for the wedding...& this super cute dress for said wedding.

Ok, now back to the real reason you're here:

holding his head up like a champ!

BIG smiles!

goofy face, still cute as can be!

Holy cow. It has been a crazy few days. This last weekend was spent celebrating birthdays on both Saturday and Sunday. It was s great time with family and friends. Monday marked my return to work. I was really surprised by how overwhelmed I felt. Not in that I can't do this sort of way, but in a this is so different kind of way. My life has been so drastically different these last six weeks. It was strange getting back out and talking to adults all day. But it. was. awesome! I love being back! :)

E has continued to grow and change and amaze us every day. We have to be extra careful when laying him down on his belly because he can roll on over to his back. At first we wrote it off as a fluke, but he continued doing it when he was enjoying tummy time. He does it more and more often. Josh was at home with E on Monday, which made going back to work a lot easier.

It is amazing how much having a baby changes your dynamic, both individually and as a couple. Everyone always tells you it takes a toll and that it is really hard, but until you are there you just don't get it. Your life changes so much in an instant. Now life revolves around this tiny person, who relies completely on the two of you for everything. And it is hard. Its hard to figure out who does what, who gets up when, who changes/bathes/feeds/snuggles/etc, who? Who? Who? Meanwhile, here's your lil guy, just needing something. You get frustrated. With yourself and each other. You snap, you yell, you cry. It is hard. In those first few minutes of E's life, feeling an instant disconnect from Josh. Not on his part, but mine. All of a sudden, I blocked us and focused fully on E. I started to let our relationship slip and put him and us on a back burner. I figured E needed me more than Josh at the time, so he should understand. E was a tiny brand new baby, he couldn't do anything. I didn't know how to be both mother and wife, all of a sudden I didn't know how to be anything. I closed myself off and focused every bit of my energy into caring for little buckaroo. We stopped communicating and before I knew it I was burnt out. Feeding, changing, crying, everything, I had nothing left. I felt alone and angry, we both did. I could tell Josh was just as lost and frustrated as I was. The first few weeks were really beating us up and we weren't talking about it. And then we did...just a nice calm conversation about it....ha! Sure thats what it was...After our conversation, we instantly felt better. I realized, more than anything, I was angry at myself. For pulling away, for being closed off, for letting my frustration damage a solid relationship. For being far to stubborn, at a time when help is plentiful. For forgetting the one of the main reasons E was here- My husband. 

Also, look who is really cute:

getting so big

Slump-o.

Pregnancy: my story.

I'll skip the beginning details and all, because we all know how one ends up pregnant, at least hopefully.

My pregnancy wasn't a bad one, but it wasn't a great one either. The first six months were marked with serious nausea. Luckily for me, and my co-workers, it did not hit until the evenings. In the early months, I craved lemons or anything lemon flavored. I probably drank 20 gallons of lemonade during the first three months. My biggest issue wasn't the nausea though. It was the meat aversion. Mostly because I was in my early stages of pregnancy in the summer. Summer=BBQ. BBQ=meat. I couldn't drive around with my windows down without getting a nose full of tummy gurgling meat. Poor Josh was banned from cooking any type of red meat in our house. Burgers, I don't think so. 

My first trimester was largely formed by my inability to eat after 3 pm and my horrible headaches that accompanied it. My energy was zapped and I was in bed most nights by 8. I lost almost 15 pound in the first few months because I was so limited in what I could keep down. My diet was mostly different types of cereal, some pastas, and sour patch kids. It was rough, but we kept on trucking. I remember just wanting to get to 12 weeks because thats when the nausea goes away...for most people...Not me. I enjoyed it for another month-month and a half. But slowly things started changing. I checked the mirror everyday to see if my belly was there. It was there, but not the way I wanted it to be. I wanted people to know I was pregnant, not just toting around a permanent food baby.

Slowly the nausea dimmed and I was ok with some forms of meat in my diet. Which was good because my iron count was incredibly low. I struggled through out pregnancy with low iron and eventually had to be on a supplement. My second trimester was my best one. The nausea had faded enough that I was able to start eating actual dinners, as opposed to the saltines, ginger ale, bland cereal diet I had previously been enjoying. My energy was back up, not a normal level, but I could make it to 10-sometimes 11 pm.! PARTY! I really enjoyed starting to grow, gaining back those lost 15 pounds, and daydreaming about what was in there. We celebrated our one year anniversary and couldn't have been more excited about where we were heading in our second year. My cravings shifted to sweets, garlic and anything starchy. It was the hardest to stay away from sweets because this was right around halloween. I powered through some serious amounts of kit-kats. E started wiggling about inside. A LOT. Every night, he would squiggle around, all legs and elbows. *He actually still wiggles around outside at the same time he wiggled around inside*

My last trimester went by so fast, mostly because it involved the month of Christmas, which means work gets crazy and December flies by! It was kind of nice because I was able to really focus on things going on around me, as opposed to in me. Which was great, because the braxton-hicks were really firing up. Everyday they started getting more painful and more prevalent. But I knew from our birthing class, this was just practice! We started birth class mid November. It was awesome! I absolutely loved our class. We learned so much and it gave me the strength and knowledge I needed to meet our little guy. It was around the beginning of this trimester everyone started noticing that I was pregnant, including people I saw weekly! It was a great ego boost ;) Though the nausea had faded, I soon developed seriously swollen feet, ankles and lower legs. It was horrible. When I would get home from work, I'd scrunch way down in the chair, hike my ham-hock legs up on a pile of four pillows, and slap on a bag of frozen veggies on 'em. Helpful, eh..sort of. But not really... Luckily, December flew by, but January cccrrrraaawwwllleeedd by. SO slowly. I started anticipating E showing up early. Like early-middle January. Each day that I woke up, I thought maybe today! Nope. So, I was pretty sure I was going to make it through all of January and nearly all of February (I figured I would go well past my due date). Fortunately E had other plans and poked on out February 3rd! 

It was a long road and there were times I never thought it would end. There wasn't ever a point where I felt done, but as we drove to the hospital early that morning I knew I was ready. I remember when people asked how I was feeling and did we have everything ready or our bags packed, I said I dont care anymore. I wasn't trying to wish him out, but I I had released my body to begin its journey. I held no more fears or anxiety about his arrival. I was ready for him to show up, whenever, where ever, how ever.

10 days before his arrival.

Our thoughtful baby boy.

First off, today is this handsome guys birthday:

happy birthday love!

Last friday we set up out swing for E, and by we I mean my sister Katie. This is the one we got:

target

 It is from Target [duh:)] and it is very cute, I love grey and yellow together, so I was really happy when I saw it! The chair part of it actually pivots 90 degrees so that is swings in both a swing pattern and cradle pattern.

It is SUPER great, I absolutely LOVE it! And I love that it doesn't always put him to sleep. Sometimes he just sits there in it, looking around, hanging out. It does help him fall asleep, but he has to be tired when he gets in, otherwise he's just hanging out. :) *he is swinging in the photo, so its blurry*

We have had a pretty great couple of days. We is starting to fall into a pretty good routine. He spends more time awake during the day and tends to fuss in the evening. We are still trying to figure out how to calm the fuss faster. We head into bed around 8:30ish and watch tv until 10. He lays in between us and just hangs out during this time. He gets fussy around 9 and we walk him around, bounce him, nurse, paci, snuggle, whatever works that night...Once he starts calming down, Campy goes to bed in the living room, the bedroom door gets shut, and we flip on the turtle night light. Then as he really starts falling asleep, I move him to the bassinet and its lights out! So far this is working pretty well, as long as we stay calm and stick to it! 

We have been so incredibly lucky with E. Even though we have had a few rough days, it has only been a few. He is a wonderful little guy. He doesn't spend all day fussing or grumping. He will hangout with anyone and doesn't mind being passed around. He loves baths and good morning snuggles. I find myself wondering what kind of person he will grow up to be [eventually, I  am not rushing it.] I hope he enjoys hiking, riding bikes and sports like we do, but if he doesn't I wont mind. I hope that he grows up filled with understanding and compassion for other people, both who share his views and ideals and those who don't. I hope he knows that love is love, and all people deserve it. I hope he grows up both strong and kind, like his dad. I hope he knows that life involves struggling and achieving, but those are only two small pieces of the puzzle. I hope he knows that if you work hard, you are rewarded. But also, that you deserve to play just as hard. I hope he is always respectful, but sticks to his beliefs. I have all these hopes, wishes, and dreams for him, just as any parent would for their children. More than anything, I hope that he knows our love. For him. For our families. For each other. Because above all else, even as he grows and learns and changes, it is the one thing that will never change. It will only grow. 

xo.

one month.

From this

to this

Dear E,

My how you have changed! You are a very serious, thoughtful little man. You like eating, taking a bath, snuggles and trying to watch the dogs. You prefer sleeping in any position besides your back. You spend most of your time wiggling around, including trying to shift from your back to your side (which you are able to do occasionally! I'm not ready for you to be able to do this all the time though, so knock it off..) It is still up in the air who you look like, some looks are mine, others are you dads. You have learned to smile a little, and though you don't reward us often, when you do they are the most charming little smiles! We can't wait for you to grow bigger and start exploring your world! But you are such a great little baby, so don't grow to fast.  You love hanging out with family and you are very lucky to have so many people who love you! I can't wait to see who you will become, because so far you are my favorite little fella!

xox

crap.

Originally, I planned this blog to be fun and light hearted, but not every day is fun and light hearted. I have been really lucky so far and had so  much good to post about. But its not always good. Its sometimes crap. Crap because babe wont sleep, crap because I am exhausted and need help, crap because sitting at home gets incredibly lonely somedays, crap because the cat is a buttface. Crap because crap happens.

So, sometimes its about the crap that happens. :)

Things have changed lately. E has went from darling little man, who love sleeping and snuggles, to crazy cry machine, who doesn't want to sleep, can't be soothed by snuggles and has discovered his set of lungs. His sleep pattern has completely changed. He no longer sleeps for hours at night, he now sleeps for 20-40 minutes stretches, fussing nearly the whole time. I've tried keeping him up during the day, different pacifiers,  nursing him, nursing him using different holds, swaddling, sleep sack, holding him, laying him down, sitting him up....nothin'. Nada. Not gonna happen. He just isn't having it. So, we just hang out at night. I try keeping him as quiet and calm as possible. Catching sleep when we can, snuggling as much a possible. The worst part is, when I set him down in his bassinet for sleep during the day and he has NO PROBLEM. Sleeps like a champ. That little booger...

So I have fallen behind on my blogging. Because I am tired. That kind of tired that you totally forget how to use the toaster and so your waffles are burnt on one side and not cooked on the other. So tired that Campy cat knocked a glass of water over on y and I just sat there. Cold and wet. Tired. Everyone tells you when you are pregnant to sleep lots because once baby is here, sleep is gone. But I've found, its not so much no sleep, its the exhaustion. Josh has been a great help, but there are a lot of times that I have to cover both day and night shifts. And it is hard. Harder than I imagined. Its all the little things that add up. Little to no sleep, changing diapers that you just fastened, trying to keep up with the house, the dogs barking, the cat knocking stuff down, trying to maintain a bit of sanity on the days that it is slipping. They pile up. You forget things. You give up on washing your hair. You can't remember which side you nursed on and now E is starving! You can't remember if you changed him or if he peed on his onesie or if it is just spit up..Oh no! Horrible mom. No, not horrible mom. Every mom. That is just it, that is life these days. Before I had E, I was a non-sypathizer for stay at home moms, not that I didn't think it was hard. I just didn't think it was that hard. Obviously I was wrong. Captain wrong. Wrong like socks with sandals wrong. Because it is so much more than just hanging out with babe, cleaning a bit and shopping for groceries. For me, it is a lot of time spent talking myself down. So, I don't clean my house today..So I didn't brush my teeth today or wash clothes. Dinner on the table? Hmm maybe, but probably not, because I haven't gotten groceries...Its ok, I've got more important things to do....

Like hang out with these guys...who I love  :)




















Or practice my braiding skills. Which are pretty damn good....I mean really, check that out! xo