My nerves

My children like to push me. I think once they realize I am out numbered for the day, they open up the flood gates. Easton tends to live on my last nerve most days. Hitting, yelling, whining-all rolled into a little ball of crazy energy that no amount of play or length of walk can cure. Hudson seems to suffer from some sort of colic. Somedays it seems like actual colic, other times its just 'I don't want to be set down and I hate that I am not getting what I want' colic...

I try not to complain too much. Because I know I am lucky. Lucky that I have a hand to hold, two pieces of my heart that laugh and love. I know what we have, many don't.

But sometimes, I just want to complain. I want to not have to repeat things, or say things I shouldn't have to..

all day its a constant stream of:

this is ridiculous...
why don't you listen....
why are you crying?
I am sorry that the tv turned off when you wanted to turn it on, but thats no reason to cry.
You can't have more gummies.
Please just eat SOMETHING.
what? Speak louder please...no, not yell...ok NOW why are you crying????
What were we thinking, two under two?!??!
oksowhatEastonstechnicallyOVERtwo...but still...
Don't hit me. or your brother! or the dog!
the cat is going to scratch you!
see i told you he was going to scratch you.
Well, you pulled his tail. I am sure if you were playing friendly with him he wouldn't have hurt you.
No, i think he was telling you it hurt and you didn't listen.
get off your brother.
stop licking the floor its dirty.
I don't know where (papa/kiki/grampie/nammie/uncleT/etc/etcetc)....are.
this is ridiculous...
why don't you listen...

repeat.

While it's true that over all, I have two GREAT kids.
Do i rejoice in that always? No. Nope. Not at all.
Often times I rejoice in it um, never. I still manage to find something wrong. And then i fall into this downward spiral feeling guilty, wanting to apologize.

But sometimes, I just want to say no, today sucks.
I don't know what I am doing!
they are out of control and theres no hope!
This is rediculous!
why dont you listen...
why are you crying......