A sorry excuse for a blog..

So, I haven't written here in ages. 

We now have 2 boys,  Easton our 2 year old and Hudson who is 1 month! How that happened..well. yeah. 

Anyways, I am going to maybe give this another shot. That way, instead of bombarding Josh and my family, I can bombard my blog with random thoughts and complaints. And try to keep my crazy facebook postings to a minimum. 

I have spent the last month with a baby attached to me and a two year old wallowing in misery at my feet. At first things were going really great, he wasn't that interested in the baby, but excited to tell people about his little brother. But then, the more mommy was feeding Hudson, the more upset Easton was. It took about three weeks to figure it out, but I think we are turning a corner. 

Postpartum has come in waves, some days I feel great. Some days, I feel way the eff away from great. I knew it would be hard, I never questioned that. I never knew I would feel like it was this hard. I was instantly overwhelmed. I was terrified. I felt sick. 

I felt stupid.

I couldn't remember what to do with a newborn. I wanted to see my big boy, my two year old, my little man who made my sun shine. And then I felt horribly guilty, because now i had two, and that wasn't fair. What would I do with this second child, this little boy I couldn't remember how to take care of. But! That all changed. I saw josh hold Hudson, snuggle him. I kissed his little head, he smelled new, he was a new chance. To do all those things we didn't do "right" with Easton. He was ours and I loved him more than anything, the same way I love Josh and Easton. But different at the same time. 

Luckily, I have had more up days than down. 

More days where I've been happy with my/our choice to have another child.

More days where I've realized I love both children differently, but the same.

More days where I just watch. 

More days where I am happy. 

We are happy. 

E is giant!...ok not really. But he seems like he is. He is teething, but he is still a champ about it! I can't believe he is almost 4 months old!!

Picture heavy!

little man!

Dear E, You must love football. Please, I beg you, do not hate football...xo mums

smilepants!

Life gets better everyday with E. Our little family couldn't be happier. He is such an awesome baby.

Worst blogger ever.

That would be me. I have really neglected our blog. But it isn't because nothing has happened; we have just been super busy!!

E is growing like a weed! At his two month check up he weighed 11.5 pounds and was 23 inches long! He is full of smiles and giggles these days. He just loves hanging out with everyone. When you are holding him he starts leaning forward and wiggling until you move him toward whatever it is he wants! Tummy time is going well and he still rolls over almost immediately.

I have realized this past week just how lucky baby E (& us) are. There are so many people in our lives that love him and are just a minutes drive away. He has a huge extended family, those related by blood and those by bond. He is truly one blessed little guy. I think E has an old soul. He has these incredibly peaceful, wise and knowing looks. You can tell, even at 2.5 months, he bonds quickly and loves deeply, it is amazing. Most days you can find him just mellowed out with whoever is watching him (he definitely gets that from papa :)) I can't wait until he is a bit old (&much older, too) to see the bonds develop. I know he has someone in his life to teach him his manners, how to fish, to paint, to play hard, to love  unconditionally, to climb, to jump, to laugh. I know he will learn to be kind and caring, strong and gentle, intelligent and thoughtful from them. I know he will not lack in places to visit and see, the learn from these adventures and to grow from the stories he's told. They say that seeing the world through a child's eyes is one of the best things about being a parent, but seeing them through E's eyes, so far, is unbelievable.

We know how lucky we are with him. E's bad days barely register on the angry baby scale. His happiness is abundant. He fusses when he is wet or hungry or hasn't pooped in a few days (which is normal for breastfed babies. I did not know that. Thanks Google.) I keep waiting, but so far, he's a dream. I wont hold onto that though, I know someday he's going to turn into...a boy.

But for now, he's still our little guy. :)

Soooo..

I've been really, really bad at this lately. We have been busy with little man and the gorgeous spring weather! But anyways...

Guess who is 2 months old today!!

Captain Cutiepants McCutieton. Thats who.

E loves smiling, baths and showers (his new favorite), cuddling and watching basketball. He also likes ceiling fans , the dogs, his papa, and EATING! He can roll over, hold his head up like a champ, push up a bit from his tummy, smile big and small and ALMOST laugh. Its so close, you can tall he is trying to make a happy sound while smiling and a little HA! slips out sometimes, but its not quite there yet! He sleeps well, he eats great, and loves everyone. He is still sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed and definitely has gotten use to his night time routine- bath, lotion, snuggle, eat, snuggle, nurse to sleep. He really is pretty darn cool. Today E and Josh went on his first hike in the woods with the dogs, he finally fits properly into a carrier! E is really good at making serious faces and often looks lost in thought. I can't believe that it has been two months since his arrival. Holy crap baby-pants! 

Look what E can do!

Make your own animation

He started doing this at 5 weeks and now our tummy time consists of setting him on his tummy, him pushing up and rolling over, us clapping and starting from the beginning. He just kinda falls over and uses his noggins momentum to get him the rest of the way :)

We are pretty proud though. :)

pseudo plateau

So. I have plateaued. Sort of. E has been here for 6 weeks now and I have lost right around 20 of the 27-30ish pounds I gained being pregnant (plus it didn't really help that I was ten pounds heavier [thanks marriage! you jerk..] than usual when we got pregnant). But I lost those in the first four weeks or so and haven't lost more than 5 or so pounds since then. So I've felt a little stuck..BUT I also know that it's because I haven't been doing anything.. It took all of my six weeks off..and then some..to heal up and not feel like I was going to pass out every time I ran errands. But now I am feeling more like my old self and I have been craving outdoor activities. Once we can figure out how to get E into the moby wrap successfully (and comfortably, for him. Right now he just sorta slumps over), we can start going for long hikes. I am really looking forward to getting outside..maybe even getting on the bike again. I just hope that I start to see some change in numbers, if only for my own sanity. I have set small goals through out the next few months, goals that are easy enough to achieve, but by the end of the summer will really add up. We have a wedding to attend in May and my first goal is to be back down those additional 10ish pounds by then. By then end of the summer I'd like to be down another 5 pounds to what I was when we got married. I want to get back to walking/running the trail by our house with the dogs most nights this summer. I also want to get back on our sunday afternoon bike ride, it usually was around 10 miles and a nice way to fill a Sunday afternoon. My BIG goal this year comes up in October. They put on a zombie run around halloween and it is a 5k (3.1miles) and I really want to do it.


But for now its 10 or so by the end of May for the wedding...& this super cute dress for said wedding.

Ok, now back to the real reason you're here:

holding his head up like a champ!

BIG smiles!

goofy face, still cute as can be!