crap.

Originally, I planned this blog to be fun and light hearted, but not every day is fun and light hearted. I have been really lucky so far and had so  much good to post about. But its not always good. Its sometimes crap. Crap because babe wont sleep, crap because I am exhausted and need help, crap because sitting at home gets incredibly lonely somedays, crap because the cat is a buttface. Crap because crap happens.

So, sometimes its about the crap that happens. :)

Things have changed lately. E has went from darling little man, who love sleeping and snuggles, to crazy cry machine, who doesn't want to sleep, can't be soothed by snuggles and has discovered his set of lungs. His sleep pattern has completely changed. He no longer sleeps for hours at night, he now sleeps for 20-40 minutes stretches, fussing nearly the whole time. I've tried keeping him up during the day, different pacifiers,  nursing him, nursing him using different holds, swaddling, sleep sack, holding him, laying him down, sitting him up....nothin'. Nada. Not gonna happen. He just isn't having it. So, we just hang out at night. I try keeping him as quiet and calm as possible. Catching sleep when we can, snuggling as much a possible. The worst part is, when I set him down in his bassinet for sleep during the day and he has NO PROBLEM. Sleeps like a champ. That little booger...

So I have fallen behind on my blogging. Because I am tired. That kind of tired that you totally forget how to use the toaster and so your waffles are burnt on one side and not cooked on the other. So tired that Campy cat knocked a glass of water over on y and I just sat there. Cold and wet. Tired. Everyone tells you when you are pregnant to sleep lots because once baby is here, sleep is gone. But I've found, its not so much no sleep, its the exhaustion. Josh has been a great help, but there are a lot of times that I have to cover both day and night shifts. And it is hard. Harder than I imagined. Its all the little things that add up. Little to no sleep, changing diapers that you just fastened, trying to keep up with the house, the dogs barking, the cat knocking stuff down, trying to maintain a bit of sanity on the days that it is slipping. They pile up. You forget things. You give up on washing your hair. You can't remember which side you nursed on and now E is starving! You can't remember if you changed him or if he peed on his onesie or if it is just spit up..Oh no! Horrible mom. No, not horrible mom. Every mom. That is just it, that is life these days. Before I had E, I was a non-sypathizer for stay at home moms, not that I didn't think it was hard. I just didn't think it was that hard. Obviously I was wrong. Captain wrong. Wrong like socks with sandals wrong. Because it is so much more than just hanging out with babe, cleaning a bit and shopping for groceries. For me, it is a lot of time spent talking myself down. So, I don't clean my house today..So I didn't brush my teeth today or wash clothes. Dinner on the table? Hmm maybe, but probably not, because I haven't gotten groceries...Its ok, I've got more important things to do....

Like hang out with these guys...who I love  :)




















Or practice my braiding skills. Which are pretty damn good....I mean really, check that out! xo

Lazy Sundays

Sleep in and lazy Sundays are my absolute favorite. It was always something Josh and I enjoyed before E was here, but I love it even more now that E is with us. Josh doesn't have every Sunday off, but we had today together so we made a great day of it. E slept great last night and is finally falling into a pattern. Lately, he has been sleeping from [around] 11 until 3, up/feed/change/snuggle, back down until 6:30. Things around the house went smoothly all morning and we even managed to venture out on a fun adult play date with Josh's brother Zach and his wife Shannon! We decided to check out the renovated bowling alley here in town and throw down for a few frames. Unfortunately they were pretty well booked, so pool it was! I managed to knock a few balls in the pockets, but it was much more enjoyable watching Zach and Josh, who knew what they were doing. The kiddos tagged along (duh..) and were really well behaved! It is so nice to get out and I think E enjoyed it, as much as a three week old can! It was a great few hours. After running a few errands, we came back home and had a great dinner [french toast!] Overall a great day, but pretty uneventful.

OK. So onto something else and just a warning, its a rant. So here goes..Something I never really expected to happen when I had a baby is, what I call, the space invaders. I admit, I am not a huge fan of people in my personal bubble anyways [shocking, I know], but I am an adult and can deal with it. E is like a space invader magnet. I never knew how many people would just walk up and touch him or unzip his car seat cover to see him?? What the??? I mean really?? He is asleep in his car seat in the cart, zipped up, little face cover flipped down and all...so hey creeper, come on over and open his little happy cocoon and aggravate him...no go right ahead, its cool. Better yet, here, just take him on out and snuggle with him, he doesn't know any better so he's real friendly....whatthehellbackoffmybabyyouweirdo!... But, I am an adult, so I just have to smile and make small talk....about the baby who had just went back to sleep and was snuggled in ready to head on home from the store, but is now a crying, fuss-pants because you keep poking him. The doctor doesn't poke him that much, back off. No, I don't want your advice on how to calm him, he was fine until you invaded his space! gaaahhhh! End rant. 


:) 

Running behind.

Definitely the current theme of my life. I feel like I am constantly two, three...OK..ten steps behind. I can't tell you what is going on outside my four little walls. Current events? Pshh, I'll get caught up eventually. Or not. Normally, I would be in a huff not know what is going on out there. But things have changed. A lot is happening in here and it's WAY cooler. Thursday was really average, not much happened. We hung out at mom & dads in the evening. It is really funny to watch E try to figure out who is talking and where all the noise is coming from. He stretches his little neck out and squishes his forehead up trying to see. It is crazy cute. He is perfectly content snuggling with whoever wants to hold him, until he messes his diaper. Then it gets KrAzY, he refuses to be left in a diaper with so much as a piddle, for five seconds. So dramatic! Thankfully, we have all gotten really fast at the unsnapping, lifting, wiping, re-diapering dance.

Friday was much more exciting. Katie met me in town around noon and we had lunch with mom. After lunch we went shopping! Yay shopping! E was great! He just sat there in his giant car seat looking around, trying to figure out where we were. It was so great to get out of the house, walk around and feel like I was getting back into the swing of normalcy. E got some really cute clothes to grow into (which he really didn't need, but OHWELL! These were the first outfits I bought, so not bad) Even Josh got some new wearables. I, however, did not. I have found myself looking at clothes differently. I don't know if it's age or mommy-hood, but I catch myself thinking clothes through. As in, I could wear that to this and that, and it goes with this, and this...etc. I've always loved quality, but before I bought whatever I liked that was quick and easy and worked. So, I am entering a new stage of dressing..? I've always loved fashion and clothes...and shoes...But now I finally feel confident enough to embrace it for myself. No frumpy! I've enjoyed a few weeks of slouchy, dirty hair sans-make up days, but now I am excited when I get up to get dressed, put on make up and do my hair (though a hair cut is needed ASAP). So, even though this blog is mainly about E and his happenings, I'm taking a bit of it, to share inspiration for design, crafting and fashion. Ha, take that little man!

                                                       say what? This is my blog, get your own! 
                        

Wordless Wednesday-loads of pictures :)

Lots of good.

Today was a really nice day, not just because it was sunny and beautiful out but we had a successful day being out and about. Which was good! E had his 2 week check up today at nine. He gained a pound and now weighs in at 8 pounds 12 ounces. Everything is growing and looking good! After his appointment, we stopped into my work for a quick visit. It is so nice to stop by and see everyone, I definitely miss it there. Then we went out to lunch with mom and dad. E did great for his first time out to eat. He hung out in his car seat and managed to stay asleep for nearly the whole meal. GOOD! It wasn't until we were ready to leave that he decided he was too. We took mom back to work and E got to meet her co-workers. We had a quick eat and change before finally heading home around two p.m. Auntie Katie showed up later with yummy stuffed shells and hung out with E while I ran in to town to pick up Josh. It was the first time neither Josh or I were with him. He did great! And by great I mean he slept the whole time. He didn't even know we weren't there. It was nice to have a bit of time to myself today, even if it was just a 15 minute drive into town. It still felt good.

Being at home, for the most part without another adult, really has me itching with creativity. I read a lot of blogs, from DIY to other mommy blogs and I am always amazed by the number of really creative people out there. Not just sorta creative either, like full blown could support a family with their creativity. It really inspires me to do something. Anything and do it well. I meant to run to Michaels craft store today to pick up some supplies, but I will have to do that later this week. I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head, I can't wait to get them out and share them. Somedays I feel like my life is best expressed in charcoal and ink, other days it's words, photos, collages. I had so much fun creating things for his nursery, I look forward to creating more things for to him to enjoy and as he gets older watching him create pictures and stories.

But for now, our day is winding down. This is my favorite part of the day, crawling into bed and hanging out while E is awake in between us. We usually make it a couple hours before he needs a change and eats, then its the tricky task of putting him in his bassinet. Then lights out. Hopefully tonight is equal to today; really good in every little bit.

Lookin' for a sucker...I'm right here. (photo heavy)

I'll admit it. I am a huge sucker for this little fella, a push-over, I'm in over my head with this little guy. And it's already getting a bit ridiculous, I mean he isn't even three weeks old! Last night was another 'please don't set me down, I need a snuggle' night. And I totally justify it by telling myself I'll just hold him for a few minutes and put him down once he's asleep...well, that pretty much never actually happens. I hold him until he snuggles in and settles down, then I wake up an hour (or some nights, a few hours) later because he needs changed or fed. Eventually he ends up in his bassinet for a couple hours, but the night always starts out with him nuzzled into my chest, as I slowly creep from upright to laying down so that I can sleep too. Oh  man, not going so hot. Before he got here, there was a thousand things I told myself I would/wouldn't do as a parent:

• I wouldn't let him sleep in our bed, in between us, that's our bed and OUR space...Yeah right, you can find him there anytime we nap as a family, or after he wakes up at 6 and gets a snack before laying back down for a snuggle before dad goes to work. 
• I wouldn't get frustrated with breastfeeding and pumping (more on this new adventure below!). OK, so sometimes I can do this. Most of the time though, it is frustrating. Some days it hurts, other days I'm tired, occasionally it's perfect. Pumping is just strange. 
• I wouldn't rely on a pacifier. I figured eventually we would use one. I did not figure we would use one on our third day home. It took him a while to get use to it, and he still spits it out most times, but when he's trying to trick me into picking him up and holding him, when all he wants is a bit of comfort, it's a sanity saver. And if he doesn't take to it, then I know he's hungry. Sometimes though he just wants something to do. 
• I would use cloth diapers! Yay cloth diapers. Which we own none of. It was a great idea in theory, and I'd love it if would could actually swing it, but I don't know if it is for us. Josh had a bad run in with cloth diapering and I feel fine about the disposables for now.
• Speaking of diapers: I would be really good about diapers. I wouldn't get grossed out by poo, I'd make sure to get to him before he went cry crazy, I would be fast and he wouldn't pee on me or his things...I gagged over my first pooey diaper, I am slow when it comes to changing, there is pee on everything near his changer and half the time he's in a full blown meltdown during changing. *He literally lost it as I was typing this and mid-change stuck his socked foot in poop.*
• I would sleep when he slept, take care of myself and remember to take it easy. Nope. I wouldn't. Maybe eventually, but not yet.

The list could go on and on. I had a lot of things I intended on doing, only to realize they weren't for me. I have succeeded in a lot of the important ones though: Baby E entered into the world without any drugs and completely naturally. He wasn't given anything we felt was unnecessary at less that 48 hours old. He  has been breastfed since moments after birth and feeds well! His sleeping is pretty good for a less-than-three-weeks old. Over all, I don't think he's suffered because I've dropped the ball. I think you can have great intentions, not follow through and still have a happy babe.

But on another note, pumping milk is WEIRD. I wont go into a lot of detail because I am blushing as I type this, but SERIOUSLY it's odd. The whole thing makes me feel..well..a bit like an animal. It doesn't help that we call the pump 'the milker'. I feel like the whole thing should take place in a sterile room somewhere, not sitting in the living room trying to figure out what the hell I am supposed to do to make this work. It doesn't feel the same, the whole time I cant stop thinking there isn't enough milk in the bottle and then because I'm frustrated less comes out. Ugh. Ick. I feel like a cow. BUT, he had a bottle feeding today that went great (which means at night I don't have to get up every time he needs fed!!).

Last night he had his first bath. Which he l-o-v-e-d, loved it! He cooed and fell asleep in his little bather. And I'm pretty sure it helped him sleep longer on his first stretch. I am really happy he is showing signs of water love, both Josh and I need to be near water for our happiness. We spend a lot of our time hiking along rivers and at the beach in the summer. I can't wait to watch him discover all the gorgeous lakes and bays around us.

                same hands, 34 years apart

weekend re-cap!

What a weekend! We have had a great couple of days spending time with friends and family. Friday after work Josh headed up to Mt. Holiday ski area for a winter-snow bike race. We had a lot of wind (they actually shut down the ski slopes because they couldn't run the chairlift) and the racers had to hold their bikes and be shuttled to the top of the hill on snowmobile. I was really bummed Baby E and I couldn't make it out there to watch. Instead we were huddled up at home until the power went out!! After almost two hours of no power, it was starting to get cold and dark at home, so we called up Auntie Katie and she came and took us to my parents house. Navigating a dark house with a baby and a near dead headlamp is not something I wanted to do! Josh finished first in his race and met us at mom and dads for home-made pizza (YUM!). Little E had a great night Friday, sleeping from 11:30-3 then up for a feed and change then back down from 3:30 until 6:30! It felt so weird to get that much sleep in one night, but all those hours were welcome.

Saturday Josh was off to work and E and I hung out at home, just the two of us. The day went pretty smooth, a few wet outfits, one bad spit up that found its way over my shoulder and down my back and a nice long nap that allowed me to take a well needed bath, over all a good day though. That night we were invited to dinner at our friends house. There were four couples total and seven children! It was quite a night. The kids ranged from 2 weeks to 6 years old and were mostly girls. Three of the little ones were under 5 months. It was so much fun! The older kids were full of sugar from a birthday party that morning. It was so fun to listen to them invent languages and games. The moments filled with laughter far out weighed those filled with tears. The babies were shuffled around into many loving embraces, occasionally a cry would break out and from the next room a daddy or mommy would call out "that one's mine".  It was really nice to sit back and watch the different stages of childhood, we picked up many pointers just watching our friends interact with all the kids. Our little guy slept through most of the night, waking only a few moments to make a diaper mess and eat. For as much as he slept, he had a good night as well. He slept for two or so hours snuggled up with me, then a quick feed and change (during which Josh discovered a now stump free belly button!!) and into the bassinet for four-ish hours.

Today once we were all up and showered (already a successful day!), we ventured into town to run errands  and buy a bouncer chair. Josh assembled the little chair once we got home and Little E loves it!! He just hangs out in it looking around. It is definitely going to help me out because during the day when he is awake, he wants to sit up and face away from who ever is holding him (read: Me). This doesn't really give me any freedom to clean, do laundry, eat, shower, etc...I am SO happy we got one. After settling in for the day, my family came over and so did my friend Katie from work. We had a great day hanging out, watching racing, and eating grilled burgers! Josh took the dogs on a well deserved run through the woods on his bike. E was awake almost the whole time! He got lots and lots of love from everyone and even showed off his bouncer chair skills.  He is currently awake again, after a few hours nap, and hanging out with dad looking at bikes on the ipad:














Hopefully he was awake enough today that tonight will go well! So far he is a pretty neat little guy. I think we will keep him. :)